[a philosophy of faith]

Retrospective

Fri, 17 May 2013 06:03:31 -0400

I cant believe that I’ve been living on the other side of the world for almost a year now. It almost seems surreal. Now that I have a week left before I leave to the states I cant help to think that this part of my life will always be tattooed in my heart.

Near the half way point, I wanted to go home so badly but now Im so divided.. On the one hand I want to go home but on the other I dont want this adventure to end…

Life is truly a wonderful thing. Full of beautiful moments, that you cherish and also full of negative moments that define character. I’ll never forget everything I’ve learned here, nor the people that have touched my life. It’s with a heavy heart I say goodbye to Kazakhstan. Goodbye to those who’ve been with me in the good times and the bad times here. Goodbye to what I knew life to be, and hello to a whole new adventure in America.

I saw 3 little boys playing outside near my house the other day. Two of the boys were on bicycles, but the 3rd boy caught my attention. He was racing after the two other boys pretending to ride a bicycle. (he didnt have one) It sort of broke my heart, but also made me consider how this boy approached life.

Now, that everything’s coming to a close, I think that I’ve learned to approach life in a similar fashion. We may not always have what we need. We may at times feel the longing to go home to be in our comfort zone and not face the challenges thrown at us. But just like this little boy we can take life head on, not letting obstacles deter our happiness and growth.

The German Shepherd I saved! His name is now Pancake :)...

Mon, 06 May 2013 06:14:53 -0400

The German Shepherd I saved! His name is now Pancake :) #germanshepherd #dog #rescue

You became I

Fri, 03 May 2013 13:55:00 -0400

My previous post is about a My Epic song called, You became I, the title of this particular post. Lately, I’ve been brutally honest with my self concerning my spiritual life. The best way to describe what I’m going through is phrased so perfectly in this song:

I once knew that everything around me leapt for you

And I spoke with fiery tongue of heavens fall and of your kingdom come

The words I was saying were leaving with ease but countered the actions that follow my feet

Oh the seduction of meaningless things

My Epic always knows how Im feeling spiritually. Im not sure if Im just coming to realize how true these words are for me, or if this is something new that has happend just recently. Nonetheless, I want share these sentiments with you, my readers.

The last stanza I quoted particularly sticks out to me, “oh the seduction of meaningless things..” I feel that I’ve come realize that my spiritual life is just that, a RITUAL. How ironic that we find the word ritual in the word spiritual.. the word we use to describe something outside of our selves..something that in itself SHOULD NOT be a ritual, but a way of life.

I think of a particular verse in scripture that completely rebukes me every time I read it.

“20 Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” Isaiah 5:20 (NIV)

We can become so caught up in our idea of what Christianity should be that we begin to have these mismatches of good and evil.. things that you know you should probably stay away from, things that seduce you and you know are meaningless and futile to have, things that are not eternal you pursue..

“I’ve been shifting my affection to whatever love may call my name”

You begin to lose sight and slowly that fire you use to have fades away, and just like in Hosea 6:6 [For I desire mercy and knot sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.] and in the entire book of Amos. We have all these rituals for God, that mean absolutely nothing. They’re just for enticement as if God was some what of an earthly king that needs to be appeased.

This is what God wants from us: “Therefore circumcise the foreskin of your heart, and be stiff-necked no longer.”

WRAP UP: Im not perfect, actually Im far from it! Not only that but I’ve come to realize that I’ve let different things shift my “affections” and allowed my self to be seduce by meaningless things that bring nothing but emptiness. The hard part is to follow through with Deuteronomy 6:10. How many of you can truly say that you’re 100% devoted to God? I for one, can honestly say Im not, and I can also honestly say that its been difficult to do so. Im tired of religion, Im tired of ritual. Im tired of this meaningless spiritually I try to pursue God with.

This is where Im at currently. Starting over. Figuring out what a relationship is really like with God. Not a ritual, not an appeasement. Im sick of half-assing it with God. There needs to be a choice made.

"I once knew that everything around me leapt for you And I spoke with fiery tongue of heavens fall..."

Fri, 03 May 2013 13:31:49 -0400

“

I once knew that everything around me leapt for you

And I spoke with fiery tongue of heavens fall and of your kingdom come

The words I was saying were leaving with ease but countered the actions that follow my feet

Oh the seduction of meaningless things……

”

- You became I - My Epic

Plan A, if that fails then Plan B

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:03:23 -0400

This post is actually from my personal devotions journal. I sent this to a friend who really needed some encouragement. I decided to post it here on my blog, because I thought others might feel blessed by this as well.

Enjoy.

Luke 12:13-33 ( This parable is about this guy who comes up to Jesus and is like bro, I need you to tell my brother to divide the inheritance between us.. then Jesus is like who made me a judge among you? And he proceeds to tell of the parable of the man who stores up grain in his barn)

“And I’ll say to myself;”you have plenty of grain laid up for years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”

then Jesus replies something along the lines of “youre going to die one day, and all the things you’ve stored up will be useless to you..” (paraphrase)

I think of two things that this parable is teaching me. The first is the cliched idea that we must not be greedy and give all things to God. But the second is more focused on the guys mentality in this particular parable. I can totally come to relate to this guy. I plan things for the future. I plan them so I can rest easy and not have to worry about things later on. I think as most humans we try and have control over situations, kind of like variables in an experiment. So this guy thinks, “well if i have enough grain to last me a countless amount of time, Im set!! No need to worry” But the problem with this, is that we exclude God. We come up with a human solution to a problem that is eternal.

We’ll never be able to control every aspect of our life, nor will we be able to live comfortable lives if we do claim to follow Christ. Our plans are kind of slaps to Gods face if you think about it. He wants us to include Him in our lives not just for the emergencies but for all of it. The grain will eventually run out, then what is the man left with? An empty hope! But if we seek for eternal things, we’ll be full for the rest of our lives.

Unconditional Love

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 08:43:41 -0400

Unconditional Love

"A Song of Ascents. Of David. 1 Lord, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I..."

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:57:00 -0400

“

A Song of Ascents. Of David.

1 Lord, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.

2 Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.

”

- Psalm 131 NKJV

"Silence falls over me,in that void You speak one final word, MERCY."

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 05:38:29 -0400

“Silence falls over me,in that void You speak one final word, MERCY.”

- My Epic

Little things that warm my heart and restore my faith in humanity...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 10:56:45 -0400

Today I was on the bus heading back home from the gym. I’ve been in a good mood all day, I’ve just felt blessed! Any who, as I got on the bus this little girl was standing next to me.. There happened to be a seat open on my right, so I took it and sat down. I sat for about 5 minutes until an older women got on the bus and I gave her my seat. The little girl had taken the seat in front of me.

After about 3 bus stops, and old woman got on the bus. The little girl quickly got up to give her seat to the older woman but she motioned for her to sit down. The little girl insisted and the woman sat down. She then asked the young girl if she wanted her to hold her back pack.

Now here’s where the story turns heart warming..

These two people are complete strangers. They do not know each other, all that binds them is the seat situation. The old women began hugging the little girl, just like your grandma does.. She was so happy and the little girl welcomed the affection. They talked for a short while, then the bus ride continued with its normal silence. Stranger standing next to strangers.

In that moment, I felt instant joy. I’ve just never seen such warmth between two strangers. I wish people were more like that with each other, but for the most part, we’re just strangers walking next to strangers. I came to the conclusion that we’re all capable of loving one another as brothers/sisters unfortunately, most of decide not to.

But imagine if we did… the world would be much sweeter…

So shocked to have seen this guy on a camel today riding along...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 16:15:03 -0400

So shocked to have seen this guy on a camel today riding along the streets of Almaty…random…#kazakhstan #random #what

Hail by My Epic (Im so excited for their new album…I...

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 05:43:10 -0400

Hail by My Epic (Im so excited for their new album…I honestly cant wait.)

LYRICS:
Up from the deep, and from the furthest unseen reach,
a call is sounding forth sustained and deafening.

I cannot breathe, I choke to raise my voice and sing
no words remain instead I bow my head and weep.

Speak no more.

The terror and beauty, You echo into me;
all things are just words You chose to speak.
What You sing is flawless but I ring back discordant,
I’m a ruined wasted melody.

Sing no more.

Your words destroying everything;
the earth collapses under me.
How could I stand against Your voice?
Empty throat, all I make is noise.

Silence falls over me,
in that void You speak
one final word, “mercy.”

Weep no more.

Majesty, Worship Your Majesty
Jesus who died, now glorified, King of all Kings
Majesty, kingdom authority
Flows from Your Throne unto Your own, Your anthem raise
Your anthem raise
King of all Kings
King of all…

All Hail!

Procrastinate a little more...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 09:29:00 -0400

I seriously have no excuse for not writing something for a month… I guess I havent really thought of anything worth writing about..Any who, something happened on the way to the gym today..

In Almaty, there are a lot of beggars. You’ll see Tajik (women for Tajikistan) women on the corner of streets with their child in hand begging for money.. If any one of you reading this blog knows anything at all about me you know Im a sucker for helping people especially homeless/beggars. I just cant help it, I feel the need to give them something.

Any way, this women got on the bus today, I had seen her before. She looked so sad and desperate and she started speaking to everyone on the bus. Unfortunately, my russian skills are not fabulous enough to understand what she was saying, but I knew she was asking for money.

I sat there staring at her, and honest to God I just wanted to help her in any way I could but I only had 400 tenge ( approx $2.67) and that was my bus far and food money.. so I sat there staring back at her wishing there was something I could do to ease her pain.

I had a thought pop into my head as she got off at the next stop.. (she really made an impression on me) IF I were to have given her money, that would not have solved her problems.. Think about it, if money was the solution then we wouldnt have people constantly begging and vagabonding.. Money is not the solution. I started to think of how we give in this way because it lifts the guilt off our chest.

Not only that but we feel as if we’ve helped that other person. What ever happened to relationships? Intimacy? I believe we’ve become detached to the problem that is society. We numb our selves. We ignore the issue, the problem.

When I was in high school we were required to read, “A Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley. The book is about a dystopian society, and how one man seeks for more. At first it begins as a selfish conquest, but then he begins to understand the bigger picture. Truth is, this book isnt as far off as some people may think. We live in a world of detached individuals. Facebook, Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, Txt-ing, and the list goes on.. no one cares to be RADICAL.

The woman on the bus today reminded me of why Im here in Central Asia. I could have stayed in Collegedale, finished my junior year, spent time with all my friends but I chose to serve. Now, just so you understand me, Im not boasting! Not at all! I have no reason to boast. You see service, love, sacrifice, compassion— those are all things we should yearn to have.

Im a Christian, and my time here in Almaty has really strengthen my faith. I no longer want to numb my self from societies pangs. My heart yearns to help others in any shape or form. I dont want to be a bystander, rather, I want to be involved in change.

I guess that’s all for now.. I’ll be back later with some more thoughts. Hope you enjoy the read!

This week has been national blinchkee week! So naturally Scott...

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 05:56:22 -0400

This week has been national blinchkee week! So naturally Scott and I got some :) #picstitch #blinchkee #Russia

How deep the Father's love

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 16:07:00 -0400

I think that God talks to me via youtube videos… seriously haha Tonight I watched a sermon by David Asscherick entitled “What Wondrous Love”

He went on to explain the vast amount of love the Father has for us, his children. He used the parable in Matthew 13:44-45, which is a very well known parable. A man goes to a field and finds a treasure in that field. He then goes and sells everything he has to buy that field. For the longest time I didn’t know the meaning of that parable.. Yea, most will say well Ana, it’s about how much the man gave up.. to get the treasure.. Hence we’re the man, and the treasure is the gospel. But Pastor Asscherick gave another spin on the parable.

We are not the man, that man is Jesus/God and we’re the treasure. We’re what He gave up EVERYTHING for. After hearing that everything seemed so unimportant. I was listening to some music before hand, and it just seemed so empty…so superficial.

It’s hard to understand that type of love, we as humans can never truly give that type of love. Just look at the way we interpret the parable. We put ourselves at the center.. but that’s not what the gospel is about. We’re merely cisterns, easily broken, who need God to be filled and strengthen.

When we come to truly grasp the amount of love God has for us, the Psalms seem that much sweeter.. When we come to truly understand the meshwork of prayer, our lives change forever.

I truly believe God continues to change my life here in Kazakhstan. He’s opening my eyes and showing me concepts that use to baffle me before. He’s answering prayers.

Tonight, and every night I’ve become aware that I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to be a child of God.

Happy Sabbath to all.

Tell me why my friends are awesome!?! Best package yet!...

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 00:25:00 -0400

Tell me why my friends are awesome!?! Best package yet! #friendship #blessing #Godisgoos

"Of all the activities in which the Christian engages, and which are part of the Christian life,..."

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 03:51:00 -0500

“Of all the activities in which the Christian engages, and which are part of the Christian life, there is surely none which causes so much perplexity, and raises so many problems, as the activity which we call prayer.”

- Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Theoretical Christianity

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 03:31:58 -0500

I’ve been sick for about 2 weeks now, and it hasn’t been a walk in the park. On Friday I was laying in bed clutching my stomach, and crying. I just wanted it to be over, and the worst part was that there was absolutely nothing humanly possible I could do make my stomach hurt any less.

I sat curled in my bed, face down in my pillow crying.. and the last thought that came to my mind was, “pray, Ana” So I started to pray, asking God “WHY ME!?” What’s the meaning behind this, why I am going through this? Why cant You just heal me?? I felt like Job asking God all these questions, pleading for an answer. (unlike Job I know Im not righteous, far from it.) And so the pain continue raging in my stomach.

The sun had already set, and it was Friday night. I was alone in my room, so I decided to youtube a sermon to get me through the night. I watched a sermon by David Asscherick called “The Beatitudes”. Pastor David’s man point was that these beatitudes were and still are revolutionary. Jesus took 20 years to think of this sermon, and He was preaching some radical things. The last beatitude mentioned is ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for my names sake..’(paraphrase Matt. 5)

Pastor Asscherick made an astounding conjecture. He said, “Let’s be honest, most of us are not being persecuted right now..You say, ‘Well my boss thinks Im weird’…Yea, you probably are.. haha But really, maybe you’re spiritual life your Christian life serves no threat to Satan. Remember all these beatitudes are connected, they’re a description of our spiritual paths. Maybe tonight your serve as no threat and you’re spiritual walk is totally fine with Satan. He doesn’t see you as a threat.

I then watched a sermon by Pastor Bullon talking about belief. He concluded in saying that most of our spiritual life is theory. We are theoretical Christians not believing ones.

Well?Whats the connection here, you must be wondering..

Well prayer has always been difficult for me to truly and whole heartedly believe in. Maybe it’s because I believe theoretically and not whole heartedly. As humans we try to rationalize God’s advice. Pastor Bullon used a good example and said, “If a stranger came running toward you, with a package in hand and said, ‘hold on to this for me, hide it!’ What would you do? You’d probably not hide it … You dont know this person. They’re a complete stranger to you! But if your dad came running and said the same thing, because you trust your father and you know him you’d hide it.” Same idea with God. We dont trust because we dont know Him. We dont know Him because we dont trust Him.

We’re stuck in this cycle of thinking that when we come to pray we present our selves as what we think God wants to hear/see.. and we’re never honest. But it doesn’t work that way with God, He knows us.

Pastor Asscherick said, “If you want to pray a dangerous prayer tonight, if you’re ready pray this,’ God make me someone Satan hates.’.

How many of us are ready to pray that? Not me.

So as I lay in bed managing my stomach pain, and listening to these sermons I thought, “God, I believe help my unbelief.” I came to the realization that my spiritual life has been nothing but theoretical all along. To get to the heart of things, I need to submit. I need to believe, it seems to be the hardest submission.

(Mark 9:24)

Mmm His word is alive and active…#scripture #sabbath #God

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 14:01:35 -0500

Mmm His word is alive and active…#scripture #sabbath #God

American smile picture :) #m’erica #usa #smile

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:56:15 -0500

American smile picture :) #m’erica #usa #smile

Our Russian Smile picture!#russiansmile #almaty #kazakhstan #sm

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:55:24 -0500

Our Russian Smile picture!#russiansmile #almaty #kazakhstan #sm