[a philosophy of faith]

Retrospective

I cant believe that I’ve been living on the other side of the world for almost a year now. It almost seems surreal. Now that I have a week left before I leave to the states I cant help to think that this part of my life will always be tattooed in my heart. 

Near the half way point, I wanted to go home so badly but now Im so divided.. On the one hand I want to go home but on the other I dont want this adventure to end…

Life is truly a wonderful thing. Full of beautiful moments, that you cherish and also full of negative moments that define character. I’ll never forget everything I’ve learned here, nor the people that have touched my life. It’s with a heavy heart I say goodbye to Kazakhstan. Goodbye to those who’ve been with me in the good times and the bad times here. Goodbye to what I knew life to be, and hello to a whole new adventure in America. 

I saw 3 little boys playing outside near my house the other day. Two of the boys were on bicycles, but the 3rd boy caught my attention. He was racing after the two other boys pretending to ride a bicycle. (he didnt have one) It sort of broke my heart, but also made me consider how this boy approached life. 

Now, that everything’s coming to a close, I think that I’ve learned to approach life in a similar fashion. We may not always have what we need. We may at times feel the longing to go home to be in our comfort zone and not face the challenges thrown at us. But just like this little boy we can take life head on, not letting obstacles deter our happiness and growth.

You became I

My previous post is about a My Epic song called, You became I, the title of this particular post. Lately, I’ve been brutally honest with my self concerning my spiritual life. The best way to describe what I’m going through is phrased so perfectly in this song:

I once knew that everything around me leapt for you

And I spoke with fiery tongue of heavens fall and of your kingdom come

The words I was saying were leaving with ease but countered the actions that follow my feet

Oh the seduction of meaningless things

My Epic always knows how Im feeling spiritually. Im not sure if Im just coming to realize how true these words are for me, or if this is something new that has happend just recently. Nonetheless, I want share these sentiments with you, my readers.

The last stanza I quoted particularly sticks out to me, “oh the seduction of meaningless things..” I feel that I’ve come realize that my spiritual life is just that, a RITUAL. How ironic that we find the word ritual in the word spiritual.. the word we use to describe something outside of our selves..something that in itself SHOULD NOT be a ritual, but a way of life. 

I think of a particular verse in scripture that completely rebukes me every time I read it. 

“20 Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” Isaiah 5:20 (NIV)

We can become so caught up in our idea of what Christianity should be that we begin to have these mismatches of good and evil.. things that you know you should probably stay away from, things that seduce you and you know are meaningless and futile to have, things that are not eternal you pursue.. 

“I’ve been shifting my affection to whatever love may call my name”

You begin to lose sight and slowly that fire you use to have fades away, and just like in Hosea 6:6 [For I desire mercy and knot sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.] and in the entire book of Amos. We have all these rituals for God, that mean absolutely nothing. They’re just for enticement as if God was some what of an earthly king that needs to be appeased. 

This is what God wants from us: “Therefore circumcise the foreskin of your heart, and be stiff-necked no longer.”

WRAP UP: Im not perfect, actually Im far from it! Not only that but I’ve come to realize that I’ve let different things shift my “affections” and allowed my self to be seduce by meaningless things that bring nothing but emptiness. The hard part is to follow through with Deuteronomy 6:10. How many of you can truly say that you’re 100% devoted to God? I for one, can honestly say Im not, and I can also honestly say that its been difficult to do so. Im tired of religion, Im tired of ritual. Im tired of this meaningless spiritually I try to pursue God with. 

This is where Im at currently. Starting over. Figuring out what a relationship is really like with God. Not a ritual, not an appeasement. Im sick of half-assing it with God. There needs to be a choice made.

Plan A, if that fails then Plan B

This post is actually from my personal devotions journal. I sent this to a friend who really needed some encouragement. I decided to post it here on my blog, because I thought others might feel blessed by this as well. 

Enjoy.

Luke 12:13-33 ( This parable is about this guy who comes up to Jesus and is like bro, I need you to tell my brother to divide the inheritance between us.. then Jesus is like who made me a judge among you? And he proceeds to tell of the parable of the man who stores up grain in his barn)

“And I’ll say to myself;”you have plenty of grain laid up for years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”

then Jesus replies something along the lines of “youre going to die one day, and all the things you’ve stored up will be useless to you..” (paraphrase)

I think of two things that this parable is teaching me. The first is the cliched idea that we must not be greedy and give all things to God. But the second is more focused on the guys mentality in this particular parable. I can totally come to relate to this guy. I plan things for the future. I plan them so I can rest easy and not have to worry about things later on. I think as most humans we try and have control over situations, kind of like variables in an experiment. So this guy thinks, “well if i have enough grain to last me a countless amount of time, Im set!! No need to worry” But the problem with this, is that we exclude God. We come up with a human solution to a problem that is eternal.

We’ll never be able to control every aspect of our life, nor will we be able to live comfortable lives if we do claim to follow Christ. Our plans are kind of slaps to Gods face if you think about it. He wants us to include Him in our lives not just for the emergencies but for all of it. The grain will eventually run out, then what is the man left with? An empty hope! But if we seek for eternal things, we’ll be full for the rest of our lives.

Little things that warm my heart and restore my faith in humanity…

Today I was on the bus heading back home from the gym. I’ve been in a good mood all day, I’ve just felt blessed! Any who, as I got on the bus this little girl was standing next to me.. There happened to be a seat open on my right, so I took it and sat down. I sat for about 5 minutes until an older women got on the bus and I gave her my seat. The little girl had taken the seat in front of me.

After about 3 bus stops, and old woman got on the bus. The little girl quickly got up to give her seat to the older woman but she motioned for her to sit down. The little girl insisted and the woman sat down. She then asked the young girl if she wanted her to hold her back pack. 

Now here’s where the story turns heart warming.. 

These two people are complete strangers. They do not know each other, all that binds them is the seat situation. The old women began hugging the little girl, just like your grandma does.. She was so happy and the little girl welcomed the affection. They talked for a short while, then the bus ride continued with its normal silence. Stranger standing next to strangers. 

In that moment, I felt instant joy. I’ve just never seen such warmth between two strangers. I wish people were more like that with each other, but for the most part, we’re just strangers walking next to strangers. I came to the conclusion that we’re all capable of loving one another as brothers/sisters unfortunately, most of decide not to.

But imagine if we did… the world would be much sweeter…